Thursday, September 4, 2008

RKMRC Narendrapur - The Kingdom of Heaven


All characters appearing in this post are non-fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely intentional.

Founded in 1960 (the year in which Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho was released) by the Ramakrishna Mission, RKMRC, Narendrapur is one of the pioneers in the field of education (read entertainment). It was my privilege to spend my formative years in this mysterical kingdom. This blog is just a minor (read futile) attempt to tell the Narendrapur tale in a nutshell.

A to Z of Narendrapur RK Mission...........

A is for Antonda. This bloke is an ex-student of N-pur & owns a restaurant, which is in the close vicinity of the campus. In spite of numerous complaints of stale food & unhygienic conditions, it is still one of the most visited restaurants in the locality.(Now, that's what you call loyal taste buds).

B is for Bhat. It is a Bengali word for idle talk. N-pur chaps have mastered this craft & can effortlessly talk crap forever on any given topic. They truly believe in the adage - “Words speak louder than actions."
(Ps: I'm not sure whether Mr. Mahesh Bhat is an alumnus of this college.)
B is also for Bidis. These small hand-rolled, filter less cigarettes have carved out a respectable niche for themselves in N-pur. Bidis are all in rage among the hostelites.
(Rumour: Inspired by the Omkara hit track ' Bidi Jalaile ', some of the students are dreaming of starting the first ever Bidi Retail chain in the near future.)

C is for Chacha. The popularity of this tea stall owner is a matter of research. Just by paying Rs 1.50 for a cup (Rs 2 including VAT) you can stay inside that stuffy stall for the rest of your life, if you want to.
(Gossip: This phenomenal tea-stall is going to be a part of the IIM case studies.)

D is for Devotion. N-purians are devoted beings. The monks & the students are always busy with their respective spiritual & mundane pursuits. The two seldom go in tune.

E is for Entertainment. In order to ensure that the students get their daily dose of entertainment (read cultural infotainment), the authorities have constructed a common room. There is a TV (which occasionally gets stolen), on which hostelites officially watch sports (making a hell lot of noise) & secretly watch porn (with pin-drop silence).

F is for Food. The students are grossly mislead by the prospectus (read spiritual manifesto) which reads - "The food is tasty & nutritious". The menu is entirely dictated by potatoes. One can not differentiate between two dishes by the naked eyes. Although the dishes are edible, they are visually painful. Inspite of that, N-pur abounds in gluttons who live to eat.
(Fact: The N-pur kitchen is the slaughterhouse of zillions of potatoes.)

G is for Goba. This drowsy eyed legendary monk has featured in thousands of hilarious & bizarre incidents. He is a laughing stock among all the hostelites. If u take this man (read creature) out of the campus, the N-pur sensex will take a huge dip.
(Rumour: This monk is considering of buying a Ferrari with his hard earned black money).

H is for Homosexuals. After Canada, N-pur is the safest place for the homosexuals. Here you will come across a lot of them who are proud to declare - "We're happy & gay".

I is for Intoxicants. Boozing is not that common among the studious lot. But those who do it do it religiously. There are a few infamous rooms which transform into Bars every night.

J is for Jubilation. N-pur chaps always get ample reasons to celebrate (be it India's win or World Barbers Day).The sound of celebration often disturbs the spiritual practices of the monks.

K is for Khandana Bhaba. Khandana Bhaba (breaker of this world's chain) is the prayer song of N-pur. Its lyrics was penned down by Swami Vivekananda himself.
(Gossip: Anu Malik is planning to copy from this devotional track).

L is for Lokesharananda. This name may sound a bit unfamiliar among my peers, but this man laid the foundation of this Kingdom of Heaven.

M is for Mandar. It is the only movie hall in the locality to show (A) movies. It is considered as the common man's Inox. To get a balcony ticket you are required to pay only 13 bucks. Your N-pur experience will never be complete without a visit to this historical theatre.
(Rumour: The theatre owner is thinking about opening the first ever soft-porn multiplex shortly).

N is for Nights. N-purian nights are like Arabian nights minus the belly dancers. The nocturnal animals relish the bucolic beauty of the place.
(Gossip: The Times Magazine has rated N-pur's nightlife above of Vegas's)

O is for Ornithologist (scientific student of birds).Roof-cricket, which is officially banned, is the part & parcel of N-pur life. Whenever the authority rushes to catch the future Dhonis red-handed, the players & the spectators suddenly feign innocence & start counting the birds flying in the sky.

P is for Proxy. This is a tool that enables the students to be simultaneously present at two places, viz. the movie hall & the classroom.

Q is for Quietness. The tranquil ambience at N-pur makes it the next best place to live & work after Sivana.

R is for Raja. This marijuana-addict owns a cigarette stall outside the campus. He gibbers incoherently all the time & is a born entertainer.

S is for Satyada. He is the cool principal who always adheres to principles. Speculations are on regarding his retirement. But he is not in a mood to call it a day.

T is for Table Tennis aka TT. It is the most played sport in the hostel. Even the monks drop in to play a game or two with their weird technique.

U is for Unity. Although there are no unions, there is unity. The N-pur chaps believe in the power of 'US' (not the United States).

V is for Vacant .This adjective is applicable to the so called study-rooms. Though they are meant for studious souls, their fate is like that of a movie-theatre running a super-flop Bhojpuri movie. Many of the hostelites are not even sure where the study-room is.
(Rumour: Hostelites claim that the spider web filled study room is often visited by Spiderman himself).

W is for Wallpapers. Wallpapers are banned in the hostel. But several hostelites dare to break the law. Some of them have even passed Madhuri Dixit (Nene) off as their deceased sister (thanks to the low Bollywood Quotient of the monks).

X is for Xerox. The local Xerox shop provides the students with much needed micro-photocopies during the Exam season. This is the secret recipe of a lot of successful students.
(Dubious News: The students celebrate the birthday of Robert Gundlach, the inventor of Xerox, with much fanfare & enthusiasm).

Y is for Yell. The hostelites yell out frequently without any rhyme or reason. If there is a sudden power cut, you will hear a dozen (at least) of shrill voices cursing the monks for the same.
(Rumour: This mass cacophony was heard by the aliens & reports are coming about a possible shuttle landing at N-pur).

Z is for Zest. The N-purians have a zest for anything & everything under the sun.

My fingers are abusing me & I’m ending the N-pur tale here. But the legacy will continue.


(Dedicated to all those colourful characters who missed this Blog-Bus. Sorry for not being able to accommodate you guys)


Vikas said...

Hi Roni

I know i have been really late in responding but still better late than never.

U definitely have a gift of writing and i suggest you should write more often and share alot more generously. Take feedbacks.

I am sure you must be reading alot of blogs. Keep Rocking. All the best....

Roshan R said...

Nice post. Enjoyed readin it a lot. Really fun.

Anonymous said...

xbumyou have some wild imagination kid.... :D

Vin said...

hey..came across ur blog thru indiblogger... loved this post...RKMRC suddenly sounds exciting !!!

Kausik said...

Ah... those good old days... We had discovered that the kitchen staff were not incapable of churning out highly edible dishes when the occasion so demanded... But I guess, the tedium of daily life (and instructions from divine quarters via, of course, the monks) touched them a bit too much in the head, making them generally Aloo-fanatics...

dhoa charar protishruti said...

awesome..thoroughly enjoyed my trip through RKM :)

Anonymous said...

hahah firstly..i love your disclaimer man,

though i am not supposed to relate to much of this...yet you made it so beautiful and a tint of humour Ato Z made this post one of the COOLEST posts i have read...i directly add you to blogroll....i dont wanna miss your further posts...well if you keep the same humor..i am almost your follower(read as fan) LOL..forget humor is bad(read as worst)..hahah

pagal.ullu said...

great post brother -- ndp in nutshell !!
your writing made me nostalgic, and reminds me of the golden days spent at narendrapur...

indeed, looking back nowadays, i think those were probably the best three years of my life... there would be nothing like it.

wish you all the best..

arindam (98 - 01)

Jaz said...

The kingdom of heaven? interesting!

Hostels in Cartagena

Srinjoy Ray said...

hilarious. just laughed my head off. my dad n mom puzzled as i laughed violently.
its a treat to the eye and mind.
pls keep writing...

Nilendu Das said...

good old satyada..swami suparnanada maharaj step down from principal chair..and now he is secretary of ashram.many things have been changed now..there is a new swiming pool 4 students......and for me A 4 asma baruipur,a muslim restoraunt..awosome beef...

Sreyan Mullick Chowdhury said...

Present Student. ( batch 2014-2017 ) Economics.
A person just a 1 month old in this campus is enough to identify who this "Antonda" is !
Heard a lot about satya da, haven't seen him actually.

sagnikonmove said...

Chacha's stall now costs 5 bucks. Still cheap. But extravagant.