Friday, August 14, 2009
Charlie Gave Me His Number
“Take my number down,” said the pantomime. I followed suit in a jiffy. “Call me if you ever throw birthday parties like this”.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“Charlie” responded the pseudo-Chaplin twirling his butterfly-moustache. A speaking pantomime, an oxymoron of sorts, I said to myself.
I was expecting a commonplace Bengali name. But the very name ‘Charlie’ made me realize the devotion he has for his craft. I have seen the bloke before, in several birthday parties; dressed as Charlie Chaplin, strolling around with a cane in hand. He earns his livelihood by tickling others’ funny bones with his antics.
His caricatures and humorous illustrations could not shift my focus away from his old torn hat and shabby coat, which reflected abject poverty. Though he failed to match up to the legendary tramp in appearance, Charlie left no stone unturned to ape his idol.
The poor Chap(lin) was having a tough time. The kids were pestering him like anything. His bowler hat was snatched away repeatedly thereby exposing his long mane which was quite un-Chaplin like. The tramp was annoyed but preferred to keep a poker face. Although the invitees liked his antics, they seemed to be more curious about the night’s culinary offerings. (After all, ‘Humour’ is not a basic need.) Charlie did not lose heart. Instead he tried to keep the kids occupied by repeatedly changing his facial geometry. The guy was trying hard to make his presence felt. But as gifts started piling up, the wise little beauties deserted him.
Charlie sat down and looked pensive. I thought I should leave the poor guy alone. I approached the buffet where the super-consumerists were having a ball. They were eating like gluttons. A plump, middle-aged bloke started munching a chicken leg and gave me a ‘Triumphant-over-Bird Flu’ look. All I managed was a wry smile.
Suddenly I saw Charlie driving a human-train. The kids were hopping onto the bandwagon with immense enthusiasm. It grabbed a lot of eye-balls and brought a smile to many a face. The guests applauded and admired. Charlie was elated with the response and sped up his train.
I visualized the train getting past the banquet hall and going up into the sky at a dazzling speed. It exuded radiant beams of gaiety and optimism. The gloomy sky was soon upstaged by the joyride. There was no stopping the train. It was on an eternal voyage to close the Pandora’s box. I stood there agape with amazement.
(Dedicated to the legendary Charles Spencer Chaplin who once said – “I Love walking in the rain because Nobody can see me crying…”)
Thursday, September 4, 2008
RKMRC Narendrapur - The Kingdom of Heaven
Disclaimer:
All characters appearing in this post are non-fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely intentional.
Founded in 1960 (the year in which Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho was released) by the Ramakrishna Mission, RKMRC, Narendrapur is one of the pioneers in the field of education (read entertainment). It was my privilege to spend my formative years in this mysterical kingdom. This blog is just a minor (read futile) attempt to tell the Narendrapur tale in a nutshell.
A to Z of Narendrapur RK Mission...........
A is for Antonda. This bloke is an ex-student of N-pur & owns a restaurant, which is in the close vicinity of the campus. In spite of numerous complaints of stale food & unhygienic conditions, it is still one of the most visited restaurants in the locality.(Now, that's what you call loyal taste buds).
B is for Bhat. It is a Bengali word for idle talk. N-pur chaps have mastered this craft & can effortlessly talk crap forever on any given topic. They truly believe in the adage - “Words speak louder than actions."
(Ps: I'm not sure whether Mr. Mahesh Bhat is an alumnus of this college.)
B is also for Bidis. These small hand-rolled, filter less cigarettes have carved out a respectable niche for themselves in N-pur. Bidis are all in rage among the hostelites.
(Rumour: Inspired by the Omkara hit track ' Bidi Jalaile ', some of the students are dreaming of starting the first ever Bidi Retail chain in the near future.)
C is for Chacha. The popularity of this tea stall owner is a matter of research. Just by paying Rs 1.50 for a cup (Rs 2 including VAT) you can stay inside that stuffy stall for the rest of your life, if you want to.
(Gossip: This phenomenal tea-stall is going to be a part of the IIM case studies.)
D is for Devotion. N-purians are devoted beings. The monks & the students are always busy with their respective spiritual & mundane pursuits. The two seldom go in tune.
E is for Entertainment. In order to ensure that the students get their daily dose of entertainment (read cultural infotainment), the authorities have constructed a common room. There is a TV (which occasionally gets stolen), on which hostelites officially watch sports (making a hell lot of noise) & secretly watch porn (with pin-drop silence).
F is for Food. The students are grossly mislead by the prospectus (read spiritual manifesto) which reads - "The food is tasty & nutritious". The menu is entirely dictated by potatoes. One can not differentiate between two dishes by the naked eyes. Although the dishes are edible, they are visually painful. Inspite of that, N-pur abounds in gluttons who live to eat.
(Fact: The N-pur kitchen is the slaughterhouse of zillions of potatoes.)
G is for Goba. This drowsy eyed legendary monk has featured in thousands of hilarious & bizarre incidents. He is a laughing stock among all the hostelites. If u take this man (read creature) out of the campus, the N-pur sensex will take a huge dip.
(Rumour: This monk is considering of buying a Ferrari with his hard earned black money).
H is for Homosexuals. After Canada, N-pur is the safest place for the homosexuals. Here you will come across a lot of them who are proud to declare - "We're happy & gay".
I is for Intoxicants. Boozing is not that common among the studious lot. But those who do it do it religiously. There are a few infamous rooms which transform into Bars every night.
J is for Jubilation. N-pur chaps always get ample reasons to celebrate (be it India's win or World Barbers Day).The sound of celebration often disturbs the spiritual practices of the monks.
K is for Khandana Bhaba. Khandana Bhaba (breaker of this world's chain) is the prayer song of N-pur. Its lyrics was penned down by Swami Vivekananda himself.
(Gossip: Anu Malik is planning to copy from this devotional track).
L is for Lokesharananda. This name may sound a bit unfamiliar among my peers, but this man laid the foundation of this Kingdom of Heaven.
M is for Mandar. It is the only movie hall in the locality to show (A) movies. It is considered as the common man's Inox. To get a balcony ticket you are required to pay only 13 bucks. Your N-pur experience will never be complete without a visit to this historical theatre.
(Rumour: The theatre owner is thinking about opening the first ever soft-porn multiplex shortly).
N is for Nights. N-purian nights are like Arabian nights minus the belly dancers. The nocturnal animals relish the bucolic beauty of the place.
(Gossip: The Times Magazine has rated N-pur's nightlife above of Vegas's)
O is for Ornithologist (scientific student of birds).Roof-cricket, which is officially banned, is the part & parcel of N-pur life. Whenever the authority rushes to catch the future Dhonis red-handed, the players & the spectators suddenly feign innocence & start counting the birds flying in the sky.
P is for Proxy. This is a tool that enables the students to be simultaneously present at two places, viz. the movie hall & the classroom.
Q is for Quietness. The tranquil ambience at N-pur makes it the next best place to live & work after Sivana.
R is for Raja. This marijuana-addict owns a cigarette stall outside the campus. He gibbers incoherently all the time & is a born entertainer.
S is for Satyada. He is the cool principal who always adheres to principles. Speculations are on regarding his retirement. But he is not in a mood to call it a day.
T is for Table Tennis aka TT. It is the most played sport in the hostel. Even the monks drop in to play a game or two with their weird technique.
U is for Unity. Although there are no unions, there is unity. The N-pur chaps believe in the power of 'US' (not the United States).
V is for Vacant .This adjective is applicable to the so called study-rooms. Though they are meant for studious souls, their fate is like that of a movie-theatre running a super-flop Bhojpuri movie. Many of the hostelites are not even sure where the study-room is.
(Rumour: Hostelites claim that the spider web filled study room is often visited by Spiderman himself).
W is for Wallpapers. Wallpapers are banned in the hostel. But several hostelites dare to break the law. Some of them have even passed Madhuri Dixit (Nene) off as their deceased sister (thanks to the low Bollywood Quotient of the monks).
X is for Xerox. The local Xerox shop provides the students with much needed micro-photocopies during the Exam season. This is the secret recipe of a lot of successful students.
(Dubious News: The students celebrate the birthday of Robert Gundlach, the inventor of Xerox, with much fanfare & enthusiasm).
Y is for Yell. The hostelites yell out frequently without any rhyme or reason. If there is a sudden power cut, you will hear a dozen (at least) of shrill voices cursing the monks for the same.
(Rumour: This mass cacophony was heard by the aliens & reports are coming about a possible shuttle landing at N-pur).
Z is for Zest. The N-purians have a zest for anything & everything under the sun.
My fingers are abusing me & I’m ending the N-pur tale here. But the legacy will continue.
......AMEN
(Dedicated to all those colourful characters who missed this Blog-Bus. Sorry for not being able to accommodate you guys)
All characters appearing in this post are non-fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely intentional.
Founded in 1960 (the year in which Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho was released) by the Ramakrishna Mission, RKMRC, Narendrapur is one of the pioneers in the field of education (read entertainment). It was my privilege to spend my formative years in this mysterical kingdom. This blog is just a minor (read futile) attempt to tell the Narendrapur tale in a nutshell.
A to Z of Narendrapur RK Mission...........
A is for Antonda. This bloke is an ex-student of N-pur & owns a restaurant, which is in the close vicinity of the campus. In spite of numerous complaints of stale food & unhygienic conditions, it is still one of the most visited restaurants in the locality.(Now, that's what you call loyal taste buds).
B is for Bhat. It is a Bengali word for idle talk. N-pur chaps have mastered this craft & can effortlessly talk crap forever on any given topic. They truly believe in the adage - “Words speak louder than actions."
(Ps: I'm not sure whether Mr. Mahesh Bhat is an alumnus of this college.)
B is also for Bidis. These small hand-rolled, filter less cigarettes have carved out a respectable niche for themselves in N-pur. Bidis are all in rage among the hostelites.
(Rumour: Inspired by the Omkara hit track ' Bidi Jalaile ', some of the students are dreaming of starting the first ever Bidi Retail chain in the near future.)
C is for Chacha. The popularity of this tea stall owner is a matter of research. Just by paying Rs 1.50 for a cup (Rs 2 including VAT) you can stay inside that stuffy stall for the rest of your life, if you want to.
(Gossip: This phenomenal tea-stall is going to be a part of the IIM case studies.)
D is for Devotion. N-purians are devoted beings. The monks & the students are always busy with their respective spiritual & mundane pursuits. The two seldom go in tune.
E is for Entertainment. In order to ensure that the students get their daily dose of entertainment (read cultural infotainment), the authorities have constructed a common room. There is a TV (which occasionally gets stolen), on which hostelites officially watch sports (making a hell lot of noise) & secretly watch porn (with pin-drop silence).
F is for Food. The students are grossly mislead by the prospectus (read spiritual manifesto) which reads - "The food is tasty & nutritious". The menu is entirely dictated by potatoes. One can not differentiate between two dishes by the naked eyes. Although the dishes are edible, they are visually painful. Inspite of that, N-pur abounds in gluttons who live to eat.
(Fact: The N-pur kitchen is the slaughterhouse of zillions of potatoes.)
G is for Goba. This drowsy eyed legendary monk has featured in thousands of hilarious & bizarre incidents. He is a laughing stock among all the hostelites. If u take this man (read creature) out of the campus, the N-pur sensex will take a huge dip.
(Rumour: This monk is considering of buying a Ferrari with his hard earned black money).
H is for Homosexuals. After Canada, N-pur is the safest place for the homosexuals. Here you will come across a lot of them who are proud to declare - "We're happy & gay".
I is for Intoxicants. Boozing is not that common among the studious lot. But those who do it do it religiously. There are a few infamous rooms which transform into Bars every night.
J is for Jubilation. N-pur chaps always get ample reasons to celebrate (be it India's win or World Barbers Day).The sound of celebration often disturbs the spiritual practices of the monks.
K is for Khandana Bhaba. Khandana Bhaba (breaker of this world's chain) is the prayer song of N-pur. Its lyrics was penned down by Swami Vivekananda himself.
(Gossip: Anu Malik is planning to copy from this devotional track).
L is for Lokesharananda. This name may sound a bit unfamiliar among my peers, but this man laid the foundation of this Kingdom of Heaven.
M is for Mandar. It is the only movie hall in the locality to show (A) movies. It is considered as the common man's Inox. To get a balcony ticket you are required to pay only 13 bucks. Your N-pur experience will never be complete without a visit to this historical theatre.
(Rumour: The theatre owner is thinking about opening the first ever soft-porn multiplex shortly).
N is for Nights. N-purian nights are like Arabian nights minus the belly dancers. The nocturnal animals relish the bucolic beauty of the place.
(Gossip: The Times Magazine has rated N-pur's nightlife above of Vegas's)
O is for Ornithologist (scientific student of birds).Roof-cricket, which is officially banned, is the part & parcel of N-pur life. Whenever the authority rushes to catch the future Dhonis red-handed, the players & the spectators suddenly feign innocence & start counting the birds flying in the sky.
P is for Proxy. This is a tool that enables the students to be simultaneously present at two places, viz. the movie hall & the classroom.
Q is for Quietness. The tranquil ambience at N-pur makes it the next best place to live & work after Sivana.
R is for Raja. This marijuana-addict owns a cigarette stall outside the campus. He gibbers incoherently all the time & is a born entertainer.
S is for Satyada. He is the cool principal who always adheres to principles. Speculations are on regarding his retirement. But he is not in a mood to call it a day.
T is for Table Tennis aka TT. It is the most played sport in the hostel. Even the monks drop in to play a game or two with their weird technique.
U is for Unity. Although there are no unions, there is unity. The N-pur chaps believe in the power of 'US' (not the United States).
V is for Vacant .This adjective is applicable to the so called study-rooms. Though they are meant for studious souls, their fate is like that of a movie-theatre running a super-flop Bhojpuri movie. Many of the hostelites are not even sure where the study-room is.
(Rumour: Hostelites claim that the spider web filled study room is often visited by Spiderman himself).
W is for Wallpapers. Wallpapers are banned in the hostel. But several hostelites dare to break the law. Some of them have even passed Madhuri Dixit (Nene) off as their deceased sister (thanks to the low Bollywood Quotient of the monks).
X is for Xerox. The local Xerox shop provides the students with much needed micro-photocopies during the Exam season. This is the secret recipe of a lot of successful students.
(Dubious News: The students celebrate the birthday of Robert Gundlach, the inventor of Xerox, with much fanfare & enthusiasm).
Y is for Yell. The hostelites yell out frequently without any rhyme or reason. If there is a sudden power cut, you will hear a dozen (at least) of shrill voices cursing the monks for the same.
(Rumour: This mass cacophony was heard by the aliens & reports are coming about a possible shuttle landing at N-pur).
Z is for Zest. The N-purians have a zest for anything & everything under the sun.
My fingers are abusing me & I’m ending the N-pur tale here. But the legacy will continue.
......AMEN
(Dedicated to all those colourful characters who missed this Blog-Bus. Sorry for not being able to accommodate you guys)
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